Diwali – the festival of light

Indians all over the world welcome the festival of lights early each Fall. Deepavali, also known as Diwali is the biggest festival day and celebrations are planned with much joy and happiness. The festivities include wearing new clothes, lighting diyas, feasting and fun. Spiritually Diwali symbolizes the victory of light over darkness, good over evil and knowledge over ignorance.

Today as I was making the bakshanams (the sweets and the savouries), it triggered off nostalgia for all things associated with Deepavali in Pushpanjali, the house I grew up in.  I walk back into the Diwali of my youth, surrounded by family as I see so clearly in my mind's eye the festivities. As kids, while we were more interested in the new clothes and the pattaas (firecrackers), Amma had to make sure everything was kept ready for the constant stream of visitors that day. All the preparations started days ahead.

Amma would meticulously pick new clothes for each one of us and get them sewn by Mary tailor. That itself was a daunting task, as all his customers wanted their clothes stitched by Diwali. As the tailor worked overtime, we had to swing by his small workshop numerous times, and finally when we collected our clothes,  we were thrilled to see them fit perfectly. Now the clothes are ready to be kept in front of God in the Swami room to be worn for Diwali.

A week before, the bakshanam preparation would start. 2 mamis would come home to help amma make dabbas and dabbas of murukku, thatai, thengozhal, pakkodaam, muthuswaram, mixture, etc. Followed by sweets like Appa’s favourite badam halwa, Amma’s signature 2-layer milk and chocolate barfi, rava mittai and coconut barfi. By the end of the day, we had a storeroom filled with large dabbas of goodies.

 

Also, a week before, the firecrackers, the much anticipated part of Diwali, would be bought and stored in a large suitcase. 3 days before Deepavali, Kala, Usha, Uma and I would first divide the pattaas equally among us and then barter for the ones we liked better. Kala didn’t like the ones that made noise like the atom bomb or electric. We would trade with her giving our noiseless, colourful wire which she was so fond of. There was such a childish innocence and excitement in getting prepared for the day as we listed out the sequence we’d burst the crackers.  First light, then flowerpot, then changu chakram, vishnu chakram, atom bomb, lakshmi vedi, kuruvi vedi, electric, rocket and so on. This was the beginning of the most exciting 2 day festival. And we waited eagerly for the day of Diwali.

The night before Diwali, after dinner, we took out our own boxes of firecrackers with enthusiasm and started off bursting a part of the firecrackers which were set aside for this evening. It was like a preliminary to what was to come on the big day. We tried to persuade Thayi, our help and Sundari, her daughter, to come home as early as they could the next morning to come to give us the oil bath. As we negotiated the time, we even suggested they could just sleep over at our place. Amma cleaned up the swami area, and arranged all our new clothes, the davara (the small stainless steel utensil) with the nalennai (oil), and the lamps in front of the mandapam. Although Appa kept telling us to go to sleep so that we can get up early the next day, we just couldn’t sleep with all the excitement and the joy brimming in our hearts and the occasional sound of the pattaas from neighbouring houses and the swishing sound of rockets that went on late through the night.

And finally, the much-awaited Diwali day dawned, reaching the zenith of our excitement. As the clocks chimed the brahmamuhurtham time, at 4am, and the alarm shrieked, we jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs. It's indeed a special day since no other day and nothing else could get us out of bed that early. Amma put a dollop of oil on our head, and we quickly raced to see who could get into the bathroom to wash off the oil with the shikkai powder. Each of us occupied the 3 bathrooms in the house and Thayi moved from one to the other to get the oil bath going. It is a standard ritual and referred to as “Ganga snaanam”, equal to bathing in the Ganges. Then we decked ourselves in the finery set aside for the day and ran outside to start our day bursting the crackers and wishing our neighbours. By now, the celebrations were in full swing casting a radiant glow over the city. 

Meanwhile the house was bustling with activity. Amma, making a variety of food starting off with the traditional idli, vadai, sambar, chutney for breakfast. We waited for Pushpa and athimbere who usually came home early in the morning with Harish and Vinoo as they made their rounds visiting family to wish Happy Diwali. The bakshanams (sweets and savories) would make their way to the dining table for snacking all through the day. Athai and Athimbere with Ravi, Sundar would come by later after their temple rounds. Vichu, Balu, Ramani and Shankar would troop into the house at various times of the morning all in their new finery.

There was a tradition in Rama Rao road where we grew up. We could see the comradeship each Diwali when the neighbours all came together to celebrate this festival as one. Each house in the neighbourhood contributed Rs 20 and with almost Rs 400 would buy one huge electric pattaas which stretched all the way from Jikki and Cheeni’s house to the end of the Flats. Sometimes the honour of lighting that pattaas went to the person celebrating thalai deepavali, etc. A time would be fixed for that vedi to be lit and each and every one from every household came together to witness this. Once lit, this long stretch of pattaas would keep the bursts going for what seemed to last for a long time. At the end of it, everyone cheered with a burst of applause as the smoke filled the air and the feeling of  glee and happiness reverberated through the street. We then retired to our homes for a fine meal and connecting with family and friends.

These flashbacks on my days at Pushpanjali encourages me to create long lasting memories for the next generation. By telling why Diwali is celebrated and giving them a slice of the experience, I hope to achieve that dream.

While some believe Deepavali or Diwali commemorates the return of Lord Rama from his 14 year exile and is celebrated with pomp and glory, in the south, its believed that Krishna killed the demon Narakasura and the triumph of evil is celebrated on that day. Some also believe it is the celebration of the marriage of Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth with Lord Vishnu. And for me, I would like to start creating new memories for my children and grand children by making it a special occasion for them. 

Festivals of India - Pongal

A  fortnight after the New Year celebrations, the next festival we eagerly look forward to is Pongal. As a child growing up in Madras,  I always wondered what made this festival so exciting. Was it the school holidays, or eating karumbu (sugarcane) and other delicious Pongal items prepared at home or the 4 days celebrations of Bhogi, Pongal, Maatu Pongal and Kanu Pongal that made it all worthwhile. It was all of that and more. 

Marking the end of the tamil Marghazhi month, the new month of Thai maasam starts off with the Pongal celebrations throughout Tamil Nadu, coinciding with the festival of Sankranthi in other areas like Karnataka, Kerala and Andhra. There is so much optimism in the air, and the old adage holds true, Thai pirandhaal vazhi pirakkum, meaning, When the new month Thai starts, all opportunities open up. 

The 4 day Pongal festival starts with Bhogi and we assemble and light a bonfire to discard and burn the heaps of discards with so much excitement. The next day is Pongal, when the Pongal dish is prepared by boiling milk, sugar, rice and dhal and symbolically marked by the dish “boiling over” and joyously shouting out Pongalo Pongal. Maatu Pongal is celebrated the following day and cows are decorated with finery and brought from home to home which is such a beautiful sight. Kanu Pongal is celebrated on the 4th day by bringing the whole family together and praying for their well being and offering different flavours of rice to the crow. The 4 days are also celebrated as a ritual of thanksgiving for the harvest of the year. 

Silent words to Amma

Just once I want to rest my head on your lap,

And feel your fingers combing through my hair,

Whispering everything is going to be fine,

I wonder how you feel the pain I desperately try to hide.

Is it your gut feeling or sixth sense,

That picks up every smile or twitch in my eye,

Never did you praise me sky high,

Nor did you scorn as I left everything to chance.

I often wonder if you were proud of me or disappointed in me,

Till I had my own little girl whose faults never seemed so big to me,

My heart swelling with pride and not telling her she was the best,

I nudged her to do better without bearing down her throat.

Following your foot steps, I want to bring up my little girl.

Resting her head on my lap,

I comb my fingers through her hair,

Whispering everything is going to be fine.

I feel the pain she desperately tries to hide,

With the brush of my lips on her forehead,

I want to make the whole world a better place for her to be.

Sarsimma turns 90

You are in our thoughts again now, as you so often are ....... 
If we had another 10 years, we could have celebrated your 90^th birthday this year.   Happy Birthday Amma!

Remembering you is easy, we do it ever so often, Amma; but missing you is the heartache that never goes away. The mind knows that you are gone, but our hearts will never accept it and we miss u so much.  If only we had known that the last time we saw you, would be the last time we saw you, I wonder about everything that we’d have done - 

May be, hugged you a little tighter, told you I loved you a little louder and stayed by your side a little longer. But we strive to make you proud by being a good mother, compassionate, thoughtful, patient, optimistic, positive and cheerful. 

From your unconditional love, we learnt to be a good mother

From your unending generosity, we learnt to be compassionate
From your kind words and deeds, we learnt to be thoughtful

From your patience through adversity, we learnt to be optimistic and full of hope

From your positive attitude, we learnt to cherish and make every event an occasion

From your sweet smile, we learnt that your cheer will always shine brightly within us

Your life has taught us how to be, and we will always love you Amma

My Daughter, a Lovely Mother

My heart swelled with pride seeing my baby, Shveta, hold her babies close to her bosom and whisper tender, loving words. As a proud mother, I held her hands during both her deliveries encouraging her through her labour, and waiting anxiously till the cry of the new born reverberated through the room filling us all with joy. 

It was in September 2015, when Maya decided to come 3 weeks ahead of the due date. Around 10:30 pm, the baby started letting her mother know she was ready to come out to this beautiful, wonderful world, while Pavan and I calmly packed to leave for the hospital. As Shveta merrily chatted away with everyone during the car ride to the hospital, it almost seemed like she was going for a movie night rather than to the hospital. The whole night was filled with pleasant memories, with the chanting of the Gayatri Mantra playing in the background, and Shveta calmly followed the doctor's instructions. The whole labour and delivery was such a serene, happy and calming experience as the little bundle of joy, Maya, came into this world at 6:12 am the following morning and gave my daughter the wonderful status of Mother.

Fast forward, to March of 2018, Maya's brother Ashwin, decided to come 3 weeks ahead of the due date as well. Like his sister, around 10:30pm, the baby started letting his mother know he was now ready to come out to this beautiful, wonderful world. As we reached the hospital around 11pm, little did we know, that the similarities around their birth stopped right there. There was nothing serene or calm around Ashwin's arrival, more like a galloping horse, as his name suggests. Ashwin was born at 12:34 am, a mere hour and a half after reaching the hospital. The whole labour and delivery was a breeze, with the chanting of Gayatri Mantra playing in the background and rain drizzling outside blessing the arrival of the little bundle of joy, Ashwin.

I'm now a grandmother, and its so grand to be a mother of a mother
I see my grandkids as beautiful and perfect, both sister and brother
Memories of their birth comes flooding along
As I look at their mother, both loving and strong
Saama, the grandma, gives you kisses and cuddles
Lets you sleep on my shoulders even with your doodles
I could just watch you for hours on facetime
With a smile on my face and not caring about time
Every little word you utter I find so cute
I proudly relay it to the world as if on cue
I love you both so dearly and to the end of the earth
With you in my heart, that's nothing but the whole truth
  

Varanasi - Day 2 of 3

Day 2 – After a sumptuous breakfast at Ramada Hotel around 8am, we left for Allahabad. The 3 hour drive was a lot of fun, filled with laughter, music and antaakshari and we soon reached Allahabad. We were so excited to have a dip in the Triveni Sangam. The sacred Sangam is the confluence of three of the holiest rivers – Ganga, Yamuna and Saraswati.  The boatman rowed us towards the area where the 3 rivers meet.

 

The Triveni sangam is the point at which the brown Ganges meets the greenish Yamuna and Saraswati who comes from below.  As we stood there in the midst of the Sangam, it seemed like the daughters of Saraswathy rising at the confluence of the 2 great rivers Ganga and Yamuna. The feeling was so primal and yet over powering. With a sense of fulfillment, we returned back to Varanasi around 4pm.

 

 

We then walked around the narrow streets and saw small houses with looms spinning beautiful patterns of Benarasi silk saris and bought a couple of saris. We then went back for a second evening of Ganga aarthi listening to soulful rendering of bhajans and watching the reflection of  lights from the aarthi dancing on the still waters of the Ganges. It was almost like seeing it all for the very first time. 

We then went again to Kasi Vishwanatha temple and the highlight of the evening was when we dedicated ourselves to singing Shiva bhajans while being totally mesmerized with the clang of the bells, chanting of prayers and total devotion emanating from all around us. A whole hall full of people joined us in our bhajans and the hour passed like a minute where time stood still. We felt blessed to get this opportunity which took us to a different plane of  religious euphoria. We were asked to come the next day for aarthi and Sama Veda chanting at the temple as well.

Although we didn’t want to miss out on the hot milk in mutka and aloo tikki chaat on the roadside, we got a quick bite and returned back to Ramada for a full fledged dinner and turned in for the night.

Varanasi - Day 1 of 3

A rose is a rose is a rose and the rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.  Varanasi, Benaras, Kasi – whatever you call this sacred city, is engulfed with divinity and the feeling as soon as you land there is celestial. The 7 of us have been looking forward to this trip for a long time and the time had come for us to set off on this religious sojourn.

 

Day 1 - We landed in Varanasi at 10am and were greeted by Nihar, our guide at the airport. We got on the 11 passenger van reserved for us for the next 3 days and set off on our journey. We started off by driving up to Sarnath, giving a Buddhist perspective to the holiness of the area. We saw the Moolagandha Mandir, the Dhameka Stupa where Buddha delivered his first sermon after he attained enlightenment, archeological sites, big Buddha sculptures in various temples and museum with a sculpture of the Ashoka pillar that was chiseled out of a single block of sandstone.

 

We drove back to Varanasi and before checking in to Ramada around 4 pm, had lunch at Royal family restaurant. The evening was a melting pot of all things spiritual, mysticism, and divinity as we gravitated towards the Jyotirlinga of Shiva enshrined in the Kashi Vishwanatha temple. We used different modes of transportation to get there. First by van from Hotel Ramada and half way through the heavily crowded streets in a cycle rickshaw which brought back childhood memories of going to school in a rickshaw and finally walked through the narrow winding streets. As we walked through the streets, I was sure we were going to get lost and silently followed our guide trusting his instincts. Finally we reached the Kashi Vishwanatha temple and the feeling of exhilaration reached the peaks of devotion and the glimpse of the Jyotirlinga amidst the mass of individuals funneled into an oneness with God. From there, we went to Kasi Visalakshi and Annaporneswari temples.

What we witnessed next was one of the most memorable moments of life – the vibrant and admirably choreographed Ganga Aarthi ceremony. It was energizing to see thousands of people assembled at Dashashwamedh Ghat to view the spectacle of evening aarthi in Varanasi. Seven young priests in traditional Indian attire moving to the tune of melodious aarthi and bhajan, holding huge deepams was a sight to behold. The soul stirring bhajans reverberated through the area and the whole atmosphere was magical with the aarthi deepam creating a bright hue against the darkened sky. As the aarthi came to an end and the young man singing the bhajans with such fervor started to unwind, we had the opportunity to continue the momentum by singing Bho Shambo in unison. Deriving such a feeling of satisfaction, we then scrambled to float lamps in leaf boats in the Ganges. It was amusing to see other people around taking pictures of us as we tried to take selfies.

As we were returning back to the hotel, we didn’t want to miss out on any local specialties and had aloo tikki chat for dinner and finished off with hot milk with cream floating on top in matkas or clay pots which added to the subtle flavor.

Appa - Our homage to you on your first anniversary

Appa – Our homage to you on your first anniversary

Amidst a lot of mixed feelings and emotions, the first year anniversary  ceremonies of my father passing away was done with due respects on Nov, 24, 25 and the natural flow of the events was as smooth and coordinated as only can be done in Vijaya's house at Koustuba. Everything seems so natural and everyone is so involved during an event in Koustuba. Sriram athimbere may not have been the son in name, yet he took the special place and with pride did all the rituals my parents duly deserved. And on Nov 26^th, the younger ones Uma and Ramesh completed the rituals with the Shubam ceremonies .

Since the morning, I was filled with thoughts of my father. It was his first death anniversary according to Hindu Calendar.  And as per the Hindu customs, on this November 24th “Shraadh” was performed. I had actually no intentions of blogging about this incident, which is extremely personal to me and I am extremely sensitive about the whole event. With the pindam offered, Appa and Amma have joined with their ancestors and continue to bless us, the mere mortals we are and indulging our needs.

Truth be told, I can't remember the specific details and sequence of events that took place that day. I just know I spent the entire day thinking, Exactly one year ago on Dec 7th, Appa was alive and fine and  our lives were just humming along. And suddenly I felt like an orphan very small, completely helpless when Kartik kept us posted about Appa's condition in ICU and Appa's final moments in Koustuba with Vijaya, Pushpa and Lata beside him.

This could be my time travel where I was quickly turning pages back to that moment when I wanted to pause. Amma left us in December of 2010 and Appa in December of 2015. I sometimes fantasize about time travelling back to "save" them or just stay with them again.

I'd like to tell you it gets better, and in a lot of ways it does, but there's a pain that will be with us forever. It's supposed to be with you forever, I think. The grief bursts continue to emerge, tears wanting to roll down my eyes, but just refuses to flow.  

The way most of my family has dealt with the loss of  Appa, is that every time we miss him, we share a memory of him or sing his favourite song, Broohi Mukindethi. And our commitment to him is to stay strong, support each other and pass on the values that we have been instilled with. We, the 7 sisters, Vijaya, Pushpa, Lata, Kala, Savithri, Usha, Uma stand together paying homage to the most wonderful person we proudly call Appa.

 

 

Weight Fight - Day 1

This is a big step for me but I'm really excited too. I’m going to keep you in the loop till I lose 15 lbs!!!
It helps that my head is in the right place; it's no good changing my eating habits if my head is telling me something different. This is all about me, for me and by me! I have had no pressure from my lovely, adorable family. My daughter who is a size 2 does think I need to lose weight but is very diplomatic but I know what she's thinking!

I woke up this morning and decided to put on a pair of Size 10 jeans which had always been 'snug' only to find I could hardly zip them up and that's what did it. I weigh 150lbs. I resolved that Monday, July 29 would be the day losing some weight would become a priority.

I looked up various sites from Weight Watchers to Jenny Craig but felt uninspired and also knew that I would find it difficult to be motivated to stay on track; moreover, I actually do understand my weight behaves like a pendulum...I eat more calories than I expend and do very little exercise;  so to sit and go through various weight loss routines once a week seemed a shocking waste of time & money.

I decided to keep track of my food intake and exercise routine, and what better day to start than Monday, the first day of the week and the day I usually fast seemed perfect.
Fruit consumption today was - apple, pear and blueberries. and stir fried vegetables in one tsp olive oil with onion, ginger, spinach and brocolli and handful of peanuts. 
Exercise routine was a 45 minute brisk walk and 15 minute jog.

Lets see what tomorrow holds for me:)

New Beginnings

Last year this time, I was coaxing and cajoling and sometimes even screaming at my daughter Shveta that it was the right time for her to meet someone to spend her life with. To buy time, she said, "Ok, but let me finish my CMA". That was all I was waiting for. She finished her CMA last October, and I started telling my family and friends to let me know if they knew anyone suitable for my daughter. LOL, imagine her wrath when she knew I was trying to set her up. Although we change with the times, there are still some things ingrained in us that we feel obligated to pursue. I thought the right thing for me to do was what my parents did for me.

My son Sharad had to constantly remind me that I should be looking for someone suitable to be Shveta's partner first before identifying if he'd be my ideal son in law. His take was that I was more enamoured with someone who loves Indian music and can sing well while Shveta wanted someone who works out and goes camping. Oh God, what a world of difference. And to top that, Shveta said, I don't want doctors or anyone from Wall street with lots of money, 16 hours workdays, and no work/life balance. She had her own list of wants and no no's.
Within 3 months, my frustration was mounting and I was getting exasperated with her demands. 

In mid January, Shveta very coyly mentioned that she thinks she met someone who she really likes.  My joy knew no bounds. I wanted all the details right away. I saw the glow in her face when she talked to me in length about Pavan and I certainly liked what I heard. They talked for hours everyday and just seeing her constant smile was so precious to me. He made a special trip for Valentine's to see her for the first time and the most significant moment was when Pavan came home for the first time on our Wedding Anniversary in March. What a special treat that was for me and Mohan, seeing the kids so crazy in love with each other.

Shveta, you are more special than before, through every stage, through every age, I love you even more.

To Appa - On Father's Day

I called Appa yesterday just to tell him what an amazing person he was. He gave me a shy laugh and I coaxed him to ask me the reason for telling him this. I recounted all the things he had achieved and told him how amazed I was by all the things he had done for us. I asked him how he was able to do this and very modestly he replied "By God's grace". I realised at that time how lucky I was to be his child and decided it was an apt time to show my appreciation of him on Father's day. Here is to my dad.

Appa, As I was growing up, you always made my world feel so safe, the deep voice of yours steadied me and the strong support shielded me. I never felt vulnerable or afraid, because to me, you seemed most strong and stable.

As I grew older, it dawned on me that the world I faced everyday was a lot bigger and scarier than the one you had created for me, and, I wondered sometimes if you felt like relying on someone else's strength for a change.

Now I am an adult and living on the outside of your safety net, and finally understanding what sacrifices you had to make, for you to make sure my world felt alright all the time.

Growing up in the sanctuary of your love is something I'll always cherish and the moments I'll never forget.

You are the tower of strength and with Amma by your side, you showed us guidance and instilled such invaluable values to your seven daughters.

We appreciate you for all of this and love you.

Bollywood Movies

Being a first generation immigrant from India, Bollywood films have always been a part of my life. Growing up, it was romantic to watch Rajesh Khanna movies, thrilling to watch Dharmendra, fun to watch a Shammi  Kapoor movie, emotional to watch Sanjeev Kumar and always fascinating to watch Amitabh Bachan movies.

Bollywood, India's vast movie-making centre, produces more than 300 movies annually. The 2000s saw a deviation from traditional classical movies to more contemporary themes.  Hrithik Roshan, John Abraham, Shah Rukh Khan, Abhishek Bachan with their macho looks along with Aishwarya Rai, Kareena Kapoor, Vidya Balan, Priyanka Chopra with their sexy looks have set light to the flames of Bollywood and sent many a heart racing. Bollywood’s popularity has now reached new heights around the world leading to wider box office successes in India and abroad.

 What does one expect from a Bollywood movie? The movies all have similar themes. Boy meets girl and falls in love, then follows the family denial, add a villain who makes their lives difficult, throw in a few fighting scenes and inject it with a song every half hour and finally the happy ending with the family acceptance. The end result is a Masala movie comprising of high drama, music, dance, tragedy, comedy, action, plots and side stories which makes up the full 3 hours. Most movies are shot in exotic locales, and Canada, known for its scenic beauty, is becoming a very popular destination.

Bollywood movies are a great choice in entertainment.  If you are in the mood for high drama,  whether it be an epic romance, a swashbuckling adventure, a revenge saga, a comedic extravaganza, or a reaffirmation of family love, then there's no other cinema for you, but Bollywood movies.

Unconditional Love

As a parent, I expect the best for my children, and I want it all for them; I don't like others taking advantage of my children and my instinct is to protect them. I love them so much, that sometimes, instead of being a mother, I smother them with love. I get too emotional when they don't listen to me, for in my heart, I am convinced I know what's right for them. When is this mother ever going to learn to set them free and yet continue her love for her children? I am sorry but I am still striving.

I’m sorry for being so emotional

I’m sorry for being so possessive

I’m sorry for my selfish love

I’m sorry for thinking of you both so very much

I’m sorry for being so immature

I’m sorry now that can’t be cured

I’m sorry and sorry again

But believe me that I love you both

Should I say sorry for that too?

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry for the tears I cry

I’m sorry for a lot of things

But one thing I’m not sorry for

I’m not sorry for being me.

  

As I write these words, Khalil Gibran’s words resonate in my ears and I ponder upon his wise words versus my unconditional love for my children.

            Your children are not your children.

            They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

            They come through you but not from you,

            And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

            You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

            For they have their own thoughts.

            You may house their bodies but not their souls,

            For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

            Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

            You may strive to be like them,

            But seek not to make them like you.

            For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

South Indian Style Sari

The word Sari is derived from Sanskrit which means "strip of cloth". The sari is a traditional garment worn by women in India and in different styles. The most common style is for the sari to be wrapped around the waist, with the loose end of the drape worn over the shoulder. It creates a graceful and sensous effect like the petals of a flower and when worn properly can accentuate or conceal.

I learnt to wear a sari by merely observing my older sisters. As a child, it fascinated me to watch 6 yards of material in phenomenal colours and patterns, being draped so elegantly by my older sisters. Depending on the occasion, whether it is a silk sari worn for a wedding, chiffons worn for a party or crisp starched cotton saris worn to college, I watched in awe the whole process and waited for my turn.

Going to college, I always wore saris and never liked to repeat them either. It was quite easy for me, having so many sisters; I would just wear their saris and that way I could get by a whole semester without having to wear the same sari twice. It was such a simple task that could be done in less than 5 minutes. Of course I had Sundari, our maid, to help me with my sari every morning. Put on the petticoat and tighten the string. Wear the blouse & yell out for Sundari, so she can help me with the pleats.

Wearing a sari which was a normal daily affair has now become a rarity and worn only on special occasions. I resort to the more comfortable Salwar kameez to lounge at home and wear western business casual to work. No wonder, my daughter, Shveta never had the opportunity to watch and learn to wear the sari like I did. What I considered a simple task has now become daunting when I have to drape the whole sari standing behind her. I never paid much attention to the details and the nuances till the time came for me to put the sari on for Shveta.

Sari tying is very simple and can be a pleasant experience. First of all, make sure you are wearing a petticoat and blouse matching the sari. Then, beginning at the position which is a little bit to the right of the navel (belly button), tuck the inner top edge of the sari into the petticoat and wrap the sari once completely around the body, ending once more at the right side, making sure the hem touches the ground. Leave enough material for the pleats. For the pallu, wrap the remaining material around the waist one more time going from right to left, under your right arm and drape over the left shoulder so edge falls just below the knee level. Now, make the pleats in the centre and tuck into waistband slightly to the right of your navel in such a manner that they open to your left like a hand fan when you walk.

To Amma - On Mother's Day

You have made so many lovely memories for me Amma, I’ll always cherish them.

You are the best mom in the world and I am so lucky to be a part of you. Even when you were so busy with all the things you did, you always had a smile in your face, which I guess rubbed off on your daughters. We were all the same in your eyes, never once did you make us feel that one was better than the other. I saw the pride and happiness in your eyes when you were with your daughters and I felt a warm glow inside me making me believe you were not judging us. I love to do things to make you proud of me.

You never forced anything on us, but in your own subtle way we were given all the opportunities to grow and develop our hobbies, be it music, prayers, reading, etc. We learnt to love, forgive, be patient and kind from you. We were all the same, being so much a part of you, yet so different. We have all learned so much from you about how to do things and how to behave. Growing up, I never once heard you say that you were tired, had a headache or too busy to do something and I don’t ever remember coming to an empty house. You were always there for us, and every little thing that you did made such a big difference.

I love to do things with you, even watch the Tamil serials which meant so much to you. You were excited and enthusiastic about bringing me up to date on the serial so that I can catch up on it midway. I loved walking down our garden with you and I could see the pride with which you tended to them and you’d show where you got each plant from. You were an extraordinary mom and you always kept your sense of humor. I loved to make you laugh – yours was the best laugh in the world. Nothing can beat the time we spent together, they were simply the best.

You showed us how to make each event into a special occasion and make it spectacular. You did everything with so much enthusiasm and grace. Even if it was just you and Appa at home, you never compromised on how elaborately every function was celebrated. You knew how to make life fun for the whole family. You are such a beautiful and talented mom and I’d do anything to be just like you.

I miss our chats. You made me feel good about myself. It’s the little things that you did that made such a difference, like an encouraging word, when most needed. You always remembered to ask about every little thing that was going on in our lives. I loved to hear the smile in your voice –it made all my worries disappear. I am proud to say that you were not only my mom, you were my best friend.

You are truly special, Amma, for believing in me and cheering me on; you have always made me feel as though I can do anything. You have always had a talent for bringing out the best in me, even when I didn’t know it was there. I knew I could just be myself around you; you encouraged me to express my personality. I know that wherever I go and whatever I do, I carry your love and support with me.

In case, I haven’t mentioned it lately, I love you very much.

Time Flies

I am left holding on to the memories of the past wishing I could have made them last. I find myself rejoicing from thoughts of how everything used to be.

As a child, my daughter was a delight and now as an adult she is very very special. My daughter was born in Chennai 24 years ago and I can still vividly remember holding her close to my bosom, rocking her gently and looking down at the most beautiful baby. The various phases of her life through childhood, kindergarten, high school, university and work flashes through like a slide show and it all seems to have just happened yesterday. Just goes to show, when you enjoy something, time flies. I think back with fondness and wish I could have spent more time with her.

Now that she is 24 years old, I can already see that she is trying to break her wings and fly away. There is a tug in my heart which seems to hold on to each and every precious moment with her and not want to let her go. I should learn to not let go of the things that helped me learn and grow with her.

I think back with fondness and wish I could have spent more time with her. I want to savour every moment so I could cherish and hold on to the wonderful memories when she leaves our home. I have taken our time together for granted and now desperately trying to hold on to the measly moments that gets thrown my way.

Jaanu, here's a poem dedicated to you -

I was busy through the day;

I didn't take the time to be there

I cleaned the house, I'd iron and cook,

but, when you wanted to go out

Instead I'd say to you,

"I have too much to do".

I'd come to kiss you good night;

And when I came to say good bye in the morning

And you wanted a hug, I wish I didn't say,

"that would wake you up".

Life's much too short;

I should have stayed a minute more.

My little girl grew up so fast,

With no time for me to give her all she wants

I wish I could go back and do,

All the things you asked me to,

I wish, I wish, I wish to be there

Always for you.

Festivals of India - Vishu

Vishu festival is the astrological New Year of people of Kerala. Vishu is celebrated on the first day of the Medam month of Malayalam calendar. Vishu is the harvest festival for welcoming the spring season and it falls on 14^th April.  This day is celebrated as New Year in different parts of India, very significant to their own traditions. Puthandu in Tamil Nadu, Baisakhi in Punjab, Rongaali Bihu in Assam & Naba Barsa in Bengal. Although we lived in Tamil Nadu, since Appa & Amma were from Kerala, we celebrated Vishu.

Since Vishu is the starting of the New Year, I believe this day is significant for the coming whole year. The previous night, I remember Amma decorating the Swami room with all the festival arrangements. There was a big mirror placed in the forefront and rice, pulses, vegetables, fruits, flowers, gold ornaments and coins were all strategically placed in front of the mirror on a plate covered with silk cloth. Silver and brass lamps were polished and kept on either side in such a way it imparts a golden yellow hue to the kani-ambience, when lighted the next morning.

On the day of Vishu, Amma would wake up around 4 am to see the Vishukanni  and light the lamps. The lighting of the deepam welcomes God into our lives and is also symbolic of spiritual knowledge – the remover of the darkness of ignorance. Amma would then wake us up one by one making sure we kept our eyes closed so that the Vishukkani was the first thing we saw. I remember hearing P.Leela’s “Kani Kaanum Neram” and “Pularaan ezhara naazhigayil” song in the background. Amma helped me down the stairs carefully, holding my hand, so that I wont trip or bang on the walls. Once she brought me right in front of the arrangements, I was asked to open my eyes and visually take in everything. I was overwhelmed by the brilliance of all the colourful decorations. The subdued yellow splendour of the lamps, the brilliant reflections of the brass and silver lamps, the luster of the gold ornaments, the abundance of the yellow clusters of flowers and the beauty of the yellow clad divine Lord Krishna seen through the mirror is a sight to behold. When one opens the eyes for the first time to look at this glorious image, where is the chance that any thing can go wrong for the rest of the year?

Vishukkaineettam, the distribution of wealth, is another aspect of the festival. It should be given freely and accepted with reverence. I love this part of the festival. We visit friends and relatives and fall at the feet of our elders to do Namaskaram so we can get Vishukkaineettam. As youngsters, since we were not given pocket money on a regular basis at home, we looked forward to occasions like this where we get our own money to spend.

Vishukkani points to a year of abundance - both spiritually and materially. Food, light, money, knowledge - all should fill our life. Taking in the Vishukkani we should pray that the vision remains with us throughout the year. With the auspicious start of the year that has come to us due to the grace of beginning it with a divine vision, and the joy we take from viewing the Vishukkani, we can continue to spread this love, happiness and hope to everyone around us.

No Indian festival is complete without the exotic food variety consumed during each occasion. Vishu is also a day of feasting and Amma usually made all our favourite Kerala dishes like Ada Pradhaman, Avial, Kaalan, etc. and a traditional feast called Sadya is set up.

Ada Pradhaman

Ingredients:

1 packet Ada, 2 cups milk, ¼ cup sugar, 1 can condensed milk, 1tsp crushed cardamom

Method:
Cook the ada in water and then rinse well in cold water to make sure that the flakes don't stick together. Boil the milk with sugar & add the cooked ada to it. Cook until it thickens and add the condensed milk to it. Add cardamom.

Avial

Ingredients:

2 cups vegetables (carrot, beans, potato, cauliflower, peas), ½ tsp turmeric powder, ½ cup grated coconut, 4-5 tbsp yoghurt, 2-3 green chillies, ½ tsp cumin seeds, 1tsp coconut oil, Salt to taste

Method:

Boil veggies in water with turmeric powder. Grind the coconut, chillies, & cumin seeds. Add this to the boiled veggies. Add yoghurt and salt to taste. Top with coconut oil.

Kaalan

Ingredients:
½ winter melon - peeled, deseeded & cubed, ½ tsp turmeric powder, ½ cup grated coconut, ½ tsp pepper corns, 2 green chillies, ½ tsp cumin seeds, ½ cup yoghurt, ½ tsp fenugreek, 1 tsp mustard seeds, curry leaves, salt to taste.

Method:

Boil the melon in water with turmeric powder. Grind together the coconut, peppercorns, green chillies & cumin seeds and mix it with the yoghurt. Drain the melon. In a pan, add the melons, yoghurt mix and salt and heat. Again, do not bring to a boil. Dry roast the fenugreek seeds and crush them and add them to the pan. Add tempered mustard seeds and curry leaves.

Festivals of India - Sri Rama Navami

Sri Rama Navami is a Hindu festival, celebrating the birth of Lord Rama to King Dasaratha and Queen Kausalya of Ayodhya. Rama is the 7th incarnation of the Dashavatara of Vishnu. Sri Rama Navami falls on April 12th, this year.

I have fond memories of all the different festivals celebrated in India growing up as a child. I distinctly remember a dance drama troupe from the north coming to the Sai Baba temple in Mylapore to perform the Ram Leela Katha. I was only 8 years old and it was the highlight of all our activities during that week. I lived in a very contained South Indian Brahmin community in Mylapore, and seeing so many North Indians who couldn't even speak Tamil itself was so bizarre and a different experience for me. Each evening, I couldnt wait to get back from school, have some tiffin, wear good clothes and off to watch the dance drama troupe perform. It was beautiful to see in live action, over the course of the week, the entire Ramayana, from the time of Rama's birth to Rama coming back to Ayodhya after 14 years in exile and finally completing it with Rama Pattabishekam. We had no TV in those days and entertainment was a totally different form. Each year on Rama Navami, these wonderful memories come clouding back and never fails to bring a smile and a sense of happiness.

At home, Amma made specific dishes for each occasion or festival. The cooling effects of drinking glasses and glasses of Neer More and Panakam and eating Chundal, is something I always associated with Rama Navami. Recipi can be found below.

Panakam, Neer More & Chundal

PANAKAM (in Sanskrit means sweet drink).

Ingredients:
2-3 cups of water
½ tsp ginger powder or 1tbsp grated fresh ginger
2-3 tbsp grated jaggery
½ tsp crushed peppercorns & 1 crushed cardamom

Preparation:
Dissolve the grated jaggery in water and add fresh chopped ginger or dry ginger powder to it. I prefer fresh ginger to the dry powder as it gives more fresh taste and zing to the drink. Boil the mixture and filter it. Add crushed cardamom and peppercorns to it. Now its ready for Neivedyam.

NEER MORE (or Sambharam, as Appa calls it:)

Ingredients:
Curd - 2 table spoons Drinking water - 2 cups
2 green chillies & Curry leaves finely chopped
A pinch of salt, hing

Preparation:
Beat the curd well adding all ingredients.

PAYATHAM PARUPU CHUNDAL

Ingredients:
1 cup moong dal
2-3 tbsp grated coconut
1-2 chopped green chillies
1tbsp lemon juice (optional)
Salt to taste.

Preparation:
Fresh chopped cilantro to garnish. Preparation The moong dal should be soaked in warm water for about half an hour and drained. To this, add all the other ingredients and mix well. This dal is eaten raw and uncooked.