Appa - Our homage to you on your first anniversary

Appa – Our homage to you on your first anniversary

Amidst a lot of mixed feelings and emotions, the first year anniversary  ceremonies of my father passing away was done with due respects on Nov, 24, 25 and the natural flow of the events was as smooth and coordinated as only can be done in Vijaya's house at Koustuba. Everything seems so natural and everyone is so involved during an event in Koustuba. Sriram athimbere may not have been the son in name, yet he took the special place and with pride did all the rituals my parents duly deserved. And on Nov 26^th, the younger ones Uma and Ramesh completed the rituals with the Shubam ceremonies .

Since the morning, I was filled with thoughts of my father. It was his first death anniversary according to Hindu Calendar.  And as per the Hindu customs, on this November 24th “Shraadh” was performed. I had actually no intentions of blogging about this incident, which is extremely personal to me and I am extremely sensitive about the whole event. With the pindam offered, Appa and Amma have joined with their ancestors and continue to bless us, the mere mortals we are and indulging our needs.

Truth be told, I can't remember the specific details and sequence of events that took place that day. I just know I spent the entire day thinking, Exactly one year ago on Dec 7th, Appa was alive and fine and  our lives were just humming along. And suddenly I felt like an orphan very small, completely helpless when Kartik kept us posted about Appa's condition in ICU and Appa's final moments in Koustuba with Vijaya, Pushpa and Lata beside him.

This could be my time travel where I was quickly turning pages back to that moment when I wanted to pause. Amma left us in December of 2010 and Appa in December of 2015. I sometimes fantasize about time travelling back to "save" them or just stay with them again.

I'd like to tell you it gets better, and in a lot of ways it does, but there's a pain that will be with us forever. It's supposed to be with you forever, I think. The grief bursts continue to emerge, tears wanting to roll down my eyes, but just refuses to flow.  

The way most of my family has dealt with the loss of  Appa, is that every time we miss him, we share a memory of him or sing his favourite song, Broohi Mukindethi. And our commitment to him is to stay strong, support each other and pass on the values that we have been instilled with. We, the 7 sisters, Vijaya, Pushpa, Lata, Kala, Savithri, Usha, Uma stand together paying homage to the most wonderful person we proudly call Appa.