Appa - Our homage to you on your first anniversary

Appa – Our homage to you on your first anniversary

Amidst a lot of mixed feelings and emotions, the first year anniversary  ceremonies of my father passing away was done with due respects on Nov, 24, 25 and the natural flow of the events was as smooth and coordinated as only can be done in Vijaya's house at Koustuba. Everything seems so natural and everyone is so involved during an event in Koustuba. Sriram athimbere may not have been the son in name, yet he took the special place and with pride did all the rituals my parents duly deserved. And on Nov 26^th, the younger ones Uma and Ramesh completed the rituals with the Shubam ceremonies .

Since the morning, I was filled with thoughts of my father. It was his first death anniversary according to Hindu Calendar.  And as per the Hindu customs, on this November 24th “Shraadh” was performed. I had actually no intentions of blogging about this incident, which is extremely personal to me and I am extremely sensitive about the whole event. With the pindam offered, Appa and Amma have joined with their ancestors and continue to bless us, the mere mortals we are and indulging our needs.

Truth be told, I can't remember the specific details and sequence of events that took place that day. I just know I spent the entire day thinking, Exactly one year ago on Dec 7th, Appa was alive and fine and  our lives were just humming along. And suddenly I felt like an orphan very small, completely helpless when Kartik kept us posted about Appa's condition in ICU and Appa's final moments in Koustuba with Vijaya, Pushpa and Lata beside him.

This could be my time travel where I was quickly turning pages back to that moment when I wanted to pause. Amma left us in December of 2010 and Appa in December of 2015. I sometimes fantasize about time travelling back to "save" them or just stay with them again.

I'd like to tell you it gets better, and in a lot of ways it does, but there's a pain that will be with us forever. It's supposed to be with you forever, I think. The grief bursts continue to emerge, tears wanting to roll down my eyes, but just refuses to flow.  

The way most of my family has dealt with the loss of  Appa, is that every time we miss him, we share a memory of him or sing his favourite song, Broohi Mukindethi. And our commitment to him is to stay strong, support each other and pass on the values that we have been instilled with. We, the 7 sisters, Vijaya, Pushpa, Lata, Kala, Savithri, Usha, Uma stand together paying homage to the most wonderful person we proudly call Appa.

 

 

Weight Fight - Day 1

This is a big step for me but I'm really excited too. I’m going to keep you in the loop till I lose 15 lbs!!!
It helps that my head is in the right place; it's no good changing my eating habits if my head is telling me something different. This is all about me, for me and by me! I have had no pressure from my lovely, adorable family. My daughter who is a size 2 does think I need to lose weight but is very diplomatic but I know what she's thinking!

I woke up this morning and decided to put on a pair of Size 10 jeans which had always been 'snug' only to find I could hardly zip them up and that's what did it. I weigh 150lbs. I resolved that Monday, July 29 would be the day losing some weight would become a priority.

I looked up various sites from Weight Watchers to Jenny Craig but felt uninspired and also knew that I would find it difficult to be motivated to stay on track; moreover, I actually do understand my weight behaves like a pendulum...I eat more calories than I expend and do very little exercise;  so to sit and go through various weight loss routines once a week seemed a shocking waste of time & money.

I decided to keep track of my food intake and exercise routine, and what better day to start than Monday, the first day of the week and the day I usually fast seemed perfect.
Fruit consumption today was - apple, pear and blueberries. and stir fried vegetables in one tsp olive oil with onion, ginger, spinach and brocolli and handful of peanuts. 
Exercise routine was a 45 minute brisk walk and 15 minute jog.

Lets see what tomorrow holds for me:)

New Beginnings

Last year this time, I was coaxing and cajoling and sometimes even screaming at my daughter Shveta that it was the right time for her to meet someone to spend her life with. To buy time, she said, "Ok, but let me finish my CMA". That was all I was waiting for. She finished her CMA last October, and I started telling my family and friends to let me know if they knew anyone suitable for my daughter. LOL, imagine her wrath when she knew I was trying to set her up. Although we change with the times, there are still some things ingrained in us that we feel obligated to pursue. I thought the right thing for me to do was what my parents did for me.

My son Sharad had to constantly remind me that I should be looking for someone suitable to be Shveta's partner first before identifying if he'd be my ideal son in law. His take was that I was more enamoured with someone who loves Indian music and can sing well while Shveta wanted someone who works out and goes camping. Oh God, what a world of difference. And to top that, Shveta said, I don't want doctors or anyone from Wall street with lots of money, 16 hours workdays, and no work/life balance. She had her own list of wants and no no's.
Within 3 months, my frustration was mounting and I was getting exasperated with her demands. 

In mid January, Shveta very coyly mentioned that she thinks she met someone who she really likes.  My joy knew no bounds. I wanted all the details right away. I saw the glow in her face when she talked to me in length about Pavan and I certainly liked what I heard. They talked for hours everyday and just seeing her constant smile was so precious to me. He made a special trip for Valentine's to see her for the first time and the most significant moment was when Pavan came home for the first time on our Wedding Anniversary in March. What a special treat that was for me and Mohan, seeing the kids so crazy in love with each other.

Shveta, you are more special than before, through every stage, through every age, I love you even more.

To Appa - On Father's Day

I called Appa yesterday just to tell him what an amazing person he was. He gave me a shy laugh and I coaxed him to ask me the reason for telling him this. I recounted all the things he had achieved and told him how amazed I was by all the things he had done for us. I asked him how he was able to do this and very modestly he replied "By God's grace". I realised at that time how lucky I was to be his child and decided it was an apt time to show my appreciation of him on Father's day. Here is to my dad.

Appa, As I was growing up, you always made my world feel so safe, the deep voice of yours steadied me and the strong support shielded me. I never felt vulnerable or afraid, because to me, you seemed most strong and stable.

As I grew older, it dawned on me that the world I faced everyday was a lot bigger and scarier than the one you had created for me, and, I wondered sometimes if you felt like relying on someone else's strength for a change.

Now I am an adult and living on the outside of your safety net, and finally understanding what sacrifices you had to make, for you to make sure my world felt alright all the time.

Growing up in the sanctuary of your love is something I'll always cherish and the moments I'll never forget.

You are the tower of strength and with Amma by your side, you showed us guidance and instilled such invaluable values to your seven daughters.

We appreciate you for all of this and love you.

Bollywood Movies

Being a first generation immigrant from India, Bollywood films have always been a part of my life. Growing up, it was romantic to watch Rajesh Khanna movies, thrilling to watch Dharmendra, fun to watch a Shammi  Kapoor movie, emotional to watch Sanjeev Kumar and always fascinating to watch Amitabh Bachan movies.

Bollywood, India's vast movie-making centre, produces more than 300 movies annually. The 2000s saw a deviation from traditional classical movies to more contemporary themes.  Hrithik Roshan, John Abraham, Shah Rukh Khan, Abhishek Bachan with their macho looks along with Aishwarya Rai, Kareena Kapoor, Vidya Balan, Priyanka Chopra with their sexy looks have set light to the flames of Bollywood and sent many a heart racing. Bollywood’s popularity has now reached new heights around the world leading to wider box office successes in India and abroad.

 What does one expect from a Bollywood movie? The movies all have similar themes. Boy meets girl and falls in love, then follows the family denial, add a villain who makes their lives difficult, throw in a few fighting scenes and inject it with a song every half hour and finally the happy ending with the family acceptance. The end result is a Masala movie comprising of high drama, music, dance, tragedy, comedy, action, plots and side stories which makes up the full 3 hours. Most movies are shot in exotic locales, and Canada, known for its scenic beauty, is becoming a very popular destination.

Bollywood movies are a great choice in entertainment.  If you are in the mood for high drama,  whether it be an epic romance, a swashbuckling adventure, a revenge saga, a comedic extravaganza, or a reaffirmation of family love, then there's no other cinema for you, but Bollywood movies.

Unconditional Love

As a parent, I expect the best for my children, and I want it all for them; I don't like others taking advantage of my children and my instinct is to protect them. I love them so much, that sometimes, instead of being a mother, I smother them with love. I get too emotional when they don't listen to me, for in my heart, I am convinced I know what's right for them. When is this mother ever going to learn to set them free and yet continue her love for her children? I am sorry but I am still striving.

I’m sorry for being so emotional

I’m sorry for being so possessive

I’m sorry for my selfish love

I’m sorry for thinking of you both so very much

I’m sorry for being so immature

I’m sorry now that can’t be cured

I’m sorry and sorry again

But believe me that I love you both

Should I say sorry for that too?

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry for the tears I cry

I’m sorry for a lot of things

But one thing I’m not sorry for

I’m not sorry for being me.

  

As I write these words, Khalil Gibran’s words resonate in my ears and I ponder upon his wise words versus my unconditional love for my children.

            Your children are not your children.

            They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

            They come through you but not from you,

            And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

            You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

            For they have their own thoughts.

            You may house their bodies but not their souls,

            For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

            Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

            You may strive to be like them,

            But seek not to make them like you.

            For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

South Indian Style Sari

The word Sari is derived from Sanskrit which means "strip of cloth". The sari is a traditional garment worn by women in India and in different styles. The most common style is for the sari to be wrapped around the waist, with the loose end of the drape worn over the shoulder. It creates a graceful and sensous effect like the petals of a flower and when worn properly can accentuate or conceal.

I learnt to wear a sari by merely observing my older sisters. As a child, it fascinated me to watch 6 yards of material in phenomenal colours and patterns, being draped so elegantly by my older sisters. Depending on the occasion, whether it is a silk sari worn for a wedding, chiffons worn for a party or crisp starched cotton saris worn to college, I watched in awe the whole process and waited for my turn.

Going to college, I always wore saris and never liked to repeat them either. It was quite easy for me, having so many sisters; I would just wear their saris and that way I could get by a whole semester without having to wear the same sari twice. It was such a simple task that could be done in less than 5 minutes. Of course I had Sundari, our maid, to help me with my sari every morning. Put on the petticoat and tighten the string. Wear the blouse & yell out for Sundari, so she can help me with the pleats.

Wearing a sari which was a normal daily affair has now become a rarity and worn only on special occasions. I resort to the more comfortable Salwar kameez to lounge at home and wear western business casual to work. No wonder, my daughter, Shveta never had the opportunity to watch and learn to wear the sari like I did. What I considered a simple task has now become daunting when I have to drape the whole sari standing behind her. I never paid much attention to the details and the nuances till the time came for me to put the sari on for Shveta.

Sari tying is very simple and can be a pleasant experience. First of all, make sure you are wearing a petticoat and blouse matching the sari. Then, beginning at the position which is a little bit to the right of the navel (belly button), tuck the inner top edge of the sari into the petticoat and wrap the sari once completely around the body, ending once more at the right side, making sure the hem touches the ground. Leave enough material for the pleats. For the pallu, wrap the remaining material around the waist one more time going from right to left, under your right arm and drape over the left shoulder so edge falls just below the knee level. Now, make the pleats in the centre and tuck into waistband slightly to the right of your navel in such a manner that they open to your left like a hand fan when you walk.