New Beginnings

Last year this time, I was coaxing and cajoling and sometimes even screaming at my daughter Shveta that it was the right time for her to meet someone to spend her life with. To buy time, she said, "Ok, but let me finish my CMA". That was all I was waiting for. She finished her CMA last October, and I started telling my family and friends to let me know if they knew anyone suitable for my daughter. LOL, imagine her wrath when she knew I was trying to set her up. Although we change with the times, there are still some things ingrained in us that we feel obligated to pursue. I thought the right thing for me to do was what my parents did for me.

My son Sharad had to constantly remind me that I should be looking for someone suitable to be Shveta's partner first before identifying if he'd be my ideal son in law. His take was that I was more enamoured with someone who loves Indian music and can sing well while Shveta wanted someone who works out and goes camping. Oh God, what a world of difference. And to top that, Shveta said, I don't want doctors or anyone from Wall street with lots of money, 16 hours workdays, and no work/life balance. She had her own list of wants and no no's.
Within 3 months, my frustration was mounting and I was getting exasperated with her demands. 

In mid January, Shveta very coyly mentioned that she thinks she met someone who she really likes.  My joy knew no bounds. I wanted all the details right away. I saw the glow in her face when she talked to me in length about Pavan and I certainly liked what I heard. They talked for hours everyday and just seeing her constant smile was so precious to me. He made a special trip for Valentine's to see her for the first time and the most significant moment was when Pavan came home for the first time on our Wedding Anniversary in March. What a special treat that was for me and Mohan, seeing the kids so crazy in love with each other.

Shveta, you are more special than before, through every stage, through every age, I love you even more.

To Appa - On Father's Day

I called Appa yesterday just to tell him what an amazing person he was. He gave me a shy laugh and I coaxed him to ask me the reason for telling him this. I recounted all the things he had achieved and told him how amazed I was by all the things he had done for us. I asked him how he was able to do this and very modestly he replied "By God's grace". I realised at that time how lucky I was to be his child and decided it was an apt time to show my appreciation of him on Father's day. Here is to my dad.

Appa, As I was growing up, you always made my world feel so safe, the deep voice of yours steadied me and the strong support shielded me. I never felt vulnerable or afraid, because to me, you seemed most strong and stable.

As I grew older, it dawned on me that the world I faced everyday was a lot bigger and scarier than the one you had created for me, and, I wondered sometimes if you felt like relying on someone else's strength for a change.

Now I am an adult and living on the outside of your safety net, and finally understanding what sacrifices you had to make, for you to make sure my world felt alright all the time.

Growing up in the sanctuary of your love is something I'll always cherish and the moments I'll never forget.

You are the tower of strength and with Amma by your side, you showed us guidance and instilled such invaluable values to your seven daughters.

We appreciate you for all of this and love you.

Bollywood Movies

Being a first generation immigrant from India, Bollywood films have always been a part of my life. Growing up, it was romantic to watch Rajesh Khanna movies, thrilling to watch Dharmendra, fun to watch a Shammi  Kapoor movie, emotional to watch Sanjeev Kumar and always fascinating to watch Amitabh Bachan movies.

Bollywood, India's vast movie-making centre, produces more than 300 movies annually. The 2000s saw a deviation from traditional classical movies to more contemporary themes.  Hrithik Roshan, John Abraham, Shah Rukh Khan, Abhishek Bachan with their macho looks along with Aishwarya Rai, Kareena Kapoor, Vidya Balan, Priyanka Chopra with their sexy looks have set light to the flames of Bollywood and sent many a heart racing. Bollywood’s popularity has now reached new heights around the world leading to wider box office successes in India and abroad.

 What does one expect from a Bollywood movie? The movies all have similar themes. Boy meets girl and falls in love, then follows the family denial, add a villain who makes their lives difficult, throw in a few fighting scenes and inject it with a song every half hour and finally the happy ending with the family acceptance. The end result is a Masala movie comprising of high drama, music, dance, tragedy, comedy, action, plots and side stories which makes up the full 3 hours. Most movies are shot in exotic locales, and Canada, known for its scenic beauty, is becoming a very popular destination.

Bollywood movies are a great choice in entertainment.  If you are in the mood for high drama,  whether it be an epic romance, a swashbuckling adventure, a revenge saga, a comedic extravaganza, or a reaffirmation of family love, then there's no other cinema for you, but Bollywood movies.

Unconditional Love

As a parent, I expect the best for my children, and I want it all for them; I don't like others taking advantage of my children and my instinct is to protect them. I love them so much, that sometimes, instead of being a mother, I smother them with love. I get too emotional when they don't listen to me, for in my heart, I am convinced I know what's right for them. When is this mother ever going to learn to set them free and yet continue her love for her children? I am sorry but I am still striving.

I’m sorry for being so emotional

I’m sorry for being so possessive

I’m sorry for my selfish love

I’m sorry for thinking of you both so very much

I’m sorry for being so immature

I’m sorry now that can’t be cured

I’m sorry and sorry again

But believe me that I love you both

Should I say sorry for that too?

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry for the tears I cry

I’m sorry for a lot of things

But one thing I’m not sorry for

I’m not sorry for being me.

  

As I write these words, Khalil Gibran’s words resonate in my ears and I ponder upon his wise words versus my unconditional love for my children.

            Your children are not your children.

            They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

            They come through you but not from you,

            And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

            You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

            For they have their own thoughts.

            You may house their bodies but not their souls,

            For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

            Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

            You may strive to be like them,

            But seek not to make them like you.

            For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

South Indian Style Sari

The word Sari is derived from Sanskrit which means "strip of cloth". The sari is a traditional garment worn by women in India and in different styles. The most common style is for the sari to be wrapped around the waist, with the loose end of the drape worn over the shoulder. It creates a graceful and sensous effect like the petals of a flower and when worn properly can accentuate or conceal.

I learnt to wear a sari by merely observing my older sisters. As a child, it fascinated me to watch 6 yards of material in phenomenal colours and patterns, being draped so elegantly by my older sisters. Depending on the occasion, whether it is a silk sari worn for a wedding, chiffons worn for a party or crisp starched cotton saris worn to college, I watched in awe the whole process and waited for my turn.

Going to college, I always wore saris and never liked to repeat them either. It was quite easy for me, having so many sisters; I would just wear their saris and that way I could get by a whole semester without having to wear the same sari twice. It was such a simple task that could be done in less than 5 minutes. Of course I had Sundari, our maid, to help me with my sari every morning. Put on the petticoat and tighten the string. Wear the blouse & yell out for Sundari, so she can help me with the pleats.

Wearing a sari which was a normal daily affair has now become a rarity and worn only on special occasions. I resort to the more comfortable Salwar kameez to lounge at home and wear western business casual to work. No wonder, my daughter, Shveta never had the opportunity to watch and learn to wear the sari like I did. What I considered a simple task has now become daunting when I have to drape the whole sari standing behind her. I never paid much attention to the details and the nuances till the time came for me to put the sari on for Shveta.

Sari tying is very simple and can be a pleasant experience. First of all, make sure you are wearing a petticoat and blouse matching the sari. Then, beginning at the position which is a little bit to the right of the navel (belly button), tuck the inner top edge of the sari into the petticoat and wrap the sari once completely around the body, ending once more at the right side, making sure the hem touches the ground. Leave enough material for the pleats. For the pallu, wrap the remaining material around the waist one more time going from right to left, under your right arm and drape over the left shoulder so edge falls just below the knee level. Now, make the pleats in the centre and tuck into waistband slightly to the right of your navel in such a manner that they open to your left like a hand fan when you walk.

To Amma - On Mother's Day

You have made so many lovely memories for me Amma, I’ll always cherish them.

You are the best mom in the world and I am so lucky to be a part of you. Even when you were so busy with all the things you did, you always had a smile in your face, which I guess rubbed off on your daughters. We were all the same in your eyes, never once did you make us feel that one was better than the other. I saw the pride and happiness in your eyes when you were with your daughters and I felt a warm glow inside me making me believe you were not judging us. I love to do things to make you proud of me.

You never forced anything on us, but in your own subtle way we were given all the opportunities to grow and develop our hobbies, be it music, prayers, reading, etc. We learnt to love, forgive, be patient and kind from you. We were all the same, being so much a part of you, yet so different. We have all learned so much from you about how to do things and how to behave. Growing up, I never once heard you say that you were tired, had a headache or too busy to do something and I don’t ever remember coming to an empty house. You were always there for us, and every little thing that you did made such a big difference.

I love to do things with you, even watch the Tamil serials which meant so much to you. You were excited and enthusiastic about bringing me up to date on the serial so that I can catch up on it midway. I loved walking down our garden with you and I could see the pride with which you tended to them and you’d show where you got each plant from. You were an extraordinary mom and you always kept your sense of humor. I loved to make you laugh – yours was the best laugh in the world. Nothing can beat the time we spent together, they were simply the best.

You showed us how to make each event into a special occasion and make it spectacular. You did everything with so much enthusiasm and grace. Even if it was just you and Appa at home, you never compromised on how elaborately every function was celebrated. You knew how to make life fun for the whole family. You are such a beautiful and talented mom and I’d do anything to be just like you.

I miss our chats. You made me feel good about myself. It’s the little things that you did that made such a difference, like an encouraging word, when most needed. You always remembered to ask about every little thing that was going on in our lives. I loved to hear the smile in your voice –it made all my worries disappear. I am proud to say that you were not only my mom, you were my best friend.

You are truly special, Amma, for believing in me and cheering me on; you have always made me feel as though I can do anything. You have always had a talent for bringing out the best in me, even when I didn’t know it was there. I knew I could just be myself around you; you encouraged me to express my personality. I know that wherever I go and whatever I do, I carry your love and support with me.

In case, I haven’t mentioned it lately, I love you very much.

Time Flies

I am left holding on to the memories of the past wishing I could have made them last. I find myself rejoicing from thoughts of how everything used to be.

As a child, my daughter was a delight and now as an adult she is very very special. My daughter was born in Chennai 24 years ago and I can still vividly remember holding her close to my bosom, rocking her gently and looking down at the most beautiful baby. The various phases of her life through childhood, kindergarten, high school, university and work flashes through like a slide show and it all seems to have just happened yesterday. Just goes to show, when you enjoy something, time flies. I think back with fondness and wish I could have spent more time with her.

Now that she is 24 years old, I can already see that she is trying to break her wings and fly away. There is a tug in my heart which seems to hold on to each and every precious moment with her and not want to let her go. I should learn to not let go of the things that helped me learn and grow with her.

I think back with fondness and wish I could have spent more time with her. I want to savour every moment so I could cherish and hold on to the wonderful memories when she leaves our home. I have taken our time together for granted and now desperately trying to hold on to the measly moments that gets thrown my way.

Jaanu, here's a poem dedicated to you -

I was busy through the day;

I didn't take the time to be there

I cleaned the house, I'd iron and cook,

but, when you wanted to go out

Instead I'd say to you,

"I have too much to do".

I'd come to kiss you good night;

And when I came to say good bye in the morning

And you wanted a hug, I wish I didn't say,

"that would wake you up".

Life's much too short;

I should have stayed a minute more.

My little girl grew up so fast,

With no time for me to give her all she wants

I wish I could go back and do,

All the things you asked me to,

I wish, I wish, I wish to be there

Always for you.

Festivals of India - Vishu

Vishu festival is the astrological New Year of people of Kerala. Vishu is celebrated on the first day of the Medam month of Malayalam calendar. Vishu is the harvest festival for welcoming the spring season and it falls on 14^th April.  This day is celebrated as New Year in different parts of India, very significant to their own traditions. Puthandu in Tamil Nadu, Baisakhi in Punjab, Rongaali Bihu in Assam & Naba Barsa in Bengal. Although we lived in Tamil Nadu, since Appa & Amma were from Kerala, we celebrated Vishu.

Since Vishu is the starting of the New Year, I believe this day is significant for the coming whole year. The previous night, I remember Amma decorating the Swami room with all the festival arrangements. There was a big mirror placed in the forefront and rice, pulses, vegetables, fruits, flowers, gold ornaments and coins were all strategically placed in front of the mirror on a plate covered with silk cloth. Silver and brass lamps were polished and kept on either side in such a way it imparts a golden yellow hue to the kani-ambience, when lighted the next morning.

On the day of Vishu, Amma would wake up around 4 am to see the Vishukanni  and light the lamps. The lighting of the deepam welcomes God into our lives and is also symbolic of spiritual knowledge – the remover of the darkness of ignorance. Amma would then wake us up one by one making sure we kept our eyes closed so that the Vishukkani was the first thing we saw. I remember hearing P.Leela’s “Kani Kaanum Neram” and “Pularaan ezhara naazhigayil” song in the background. Amma helped me down the stairs carefully, holding my hand, so that I wont trip or bang on the walls. Once she brought me right in front of the arrangements, I was asked to open my eyes and visually take in everything. I was overwhelmed by the brilliance of all the colourful decorations. The subdued yellow splendour of the lamps, the brilliant reflections of the brass and silver lamps, the luster of the gold ornaments, the abundance of the yellow clusters of flowers and the beauty of the yellow clad divine Lord Krishna seen through the mirror is a sight to behold. When one opens the eyes for the first time to look at this glorious image, where is the chance that any thing can go wrong for the rest of the year?

Vishukkaineettam, the distribution of wealth, is another aspect of the festival. It should be given freely and accepted with reverence. I love this part of the festival. We visit friends and relatives and fall at the feet of our elders to do Namaskaram so we can get Vishukkaineettam. As youngsters, since we were not given pocket money on a regular basis at home, we looked forward to occasions like this where we get our own money to spend.

Vishukkani points to a year of abundance - both spiritually and materially. Food, light, money, knowledge - all should fill our life. Taking in the Vishukkani we should pray that the vision remains with us throughout the year. With the auspicious start of the year that has come to us due to the grace of beginning it with a divine vision, and the joy we take from viewing the Vishukkani, we can continue to spread this love, happiness and hope to everyone around us.

No Indian festival is complete without the exotic food variety consumed during each occasion. Vishu is also a day of feasting and Amma usually made all our favourite Kerala dishes like Ada Pradhaman, Avial, Kaalan, etc. and a traditional feast called Sadya is set up.

Ada Pradhaman

Ingredients:

1 packet Ada, 2 cups milk, ¼ cup sugar, 1 can condensed milk, 1tsp crushed cardamom

Method:
Cook the ada in water and then rinse well in cold water to make sure that the flakes don't stick together. Boil the milk with sugar & add the cooked ada to it. Cook until it thickens and add the condensed milk to it. Add cardamom.

Avial

Ingredients:

2 cups vegetables (carrot, beans, potato, cauliflower, peas), ½ tsp turmeric powder, ½ cup grated coconut, 4-5 tbsp yoghurt, 2-3 green chillies, ½ tsp cumin seeds, 1tsp coconut oil, Salt to taste

Method:

Boil veggies in water with turmeric powder. Grind the coconut, chillies, & cumin seeds. Add this to the boiled veggies. Add yoghurt and salt to taste. Top with coconut oil.

Kaalan

Ingredients:
½ winter melon - peeled, deseeded & cubed, ½ tsp turmeric powder, ½ cup grated coconut, ½ tsp pepper corns, 2 green chillies, ½ tsp cumin seeds, ½ cup yoghurt, ½ tsp fenugreek, 1 tsp mustard seeds, curry leaves, salt to taste.

Method:

Boil the melon in water with turmeric powder. Grind together the coconut, peppercorns, green chillies & cumin seeds and mix it with the yoghurt. Drain the melon. In a pan, add the melons, yoghurt mix and salt and heat. Again, do not bring to a boil. Dry roast the fenugreek seeds and crush them and add them to the pan. Add tempered mustard seeds and curry leaves.

Festivals of India - Sri Rama Navami

Sri Rama Navami is a Hindu festival, celebrating the birth of Lord Rama to King Dasaratha and Queen Kausalya of Ayodhya. Rama is the 7th incarnation of the Dashavatara of Vishnu. Sri Rama Navami falls on April 12th, this year.

I have fond memories of all the different festivals celebrated in India growing up as a child. I distinctly remember a dance drama troupe from the north coming to the Sai Baba temple in Mylapore to perform the Ram Leela Katha. I was only 8 years old and it was the highlight of all our activities during that week. I lived in a very contained South Indian Brahmin community in Mylapore, and seeing so many North Indians who couldn't even speak Tamil itself was so bizarre and a different experience for me. Each evening, I couldnt wait to get back from school, have some tiffin, wear good clothes and off to watch the dance drama troupe perform. It was beautiful to see in live action, over the course of the week, the entire Ramayana, from the time of Rama's birth to Rama coming back to Ayodhya after 14 years in exile and finally completing it with Rama Pattabishekam. We had no TV in those days and entertainment was a totally different form. Each year on Rama Navami, these wonderful memories come clouding back and never fails to bring a smile and a sense of happiness.

At home, Amma made specific dishes for each occasion or festival. The cooling effects of drinking glasses and glasses of Neer More and Panakam and eating Chundal, is something I always associated with Rama Navami. Recipi can be found below.

Panakam, Neer More & Chundal

PANAKAM (in Sanskrit means sweet drink).

Ingredients:
2-3 cups of water
½ tsp ginger powder or 1tbsp grated fresh ginger
2-3 tbsp grated jaggery
½ tsp crushed peppercorns & 1 crushed cardamom

Preparation:
Dissolve the grated jaggery in water and add fresh chopped ginger or dry ginger powder to it. I prefer fresh ginger to the dry powder as it gives more fresh taste and zing to the drink. Boil the mixture and filter it. Add crushed cardamom and peppercorns to it. Now its ready for Neivedyam.

NEER MORE (or Sambharam, as Appa calls it:)

Ingredients:
Curd - 2 table spoons Drinking water - 2 cups
2 green chillies & Curry leaves finely chopped
A pinch of salt, hing

Preparation:
Beat the curd well adding all ingredients.

PAYATHAM PARUPU CHUNDAL

Ingredients:
1 cup moong dal
2-3 tbsp grated coconut
1-2 chopped green chillies
1tbsp lemon juice (optional)
Salt to taste.

Preparation:
Fresh chopped cilantro to garnish. Preparation The moong dal should be soaked in warm water for about half an hour and drained. To this, add all the other ingredients and mix well. This dal is eaten raw and uncooked.

The Next Gen

Generation Y born between 1980 to 2000 is the new generation now entering the work place. They are smart, adaptable, energetic, skilled and eager to make their mark. They are confident, ambitious and achievement oriented. At the same time, these young people do things differently and enter the world of employment with great expectations and a culture that are so different from the previous generations.


As a parent of two Gen Y young adults, I have had the privilege and challenge of observing the rising generation up close. Understanding their use of language has taken some adjustment. It is "cool" to say yes; if something is "wicked", that's good; if you want to compliment someone, just tell them their clothes are "sick". LMAO in text messaging and other abbreviations are completely foreign to me. Yet, I still have a lot of admiration for this growing generation.

They are better able to get along in a diverse, global world than any generation that has come before. They grew up with friends and neighbours from all over the world speaking many different languages.They believe everyone should have their place at the table regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, disability, sexual orientation - or age.  They don't care about hierarchy and years of experience. They value teamwork and seek the input and affirmation of others. They are loyal, committed and wants to be included and involved.

The new generation of employees is well-educated and technologically savvy. There's a logical reason for this. Gen Y grew up with digital technology - most importantly, the Internet. They believe they can learn whatever they need to know very quickly. They are impatient to start applying what they know and they're not terribly concerned about what they don't know. They also understand that how things get done will constantly change. They don't care how things "were" done, but are able to anticipate and adjust to how things "will be" done. They have high expectations of employers, seek out new challenges and are not afraid to question authority. They want meaningful work and a solid learning curve.

Generation Y is poised to make a big impact on the world. For one thing, there are a lot of them. They have already transformed global entertainment (You Tube, iTunes, video games). and communication (cell phones, text messaging). Armed with BlackBerrys, laptops, cellphones and other gadgets, Gen Y stays plugged in.

Business and how work gets done is next. We need to be prepared for the task of engaging, inspiring and productively channeling the energies of the Next Gen.

The Kolam Experience

In typical South Indian tradition, drawing the kolam at the entrance of the house is a unique and decorative morning experience.

During one of my trips to Chennai, I got up early one morning to the chirp of the sparrow, cawing of the crows, the loud declaration from vegetable vendors and music from vividhbharathi. I sat outside in the verandah with a hot steaming cup of masala chai in my hand and enjoyed the kolam experience.

Thayi, the maid, whose name I bet no one knows, is known to everyone as Thayi. It was her forte to show off her classic talent and my experience with the ritual she followed every morning.

Thayi took up the broom with which she swept out the yard. The dust rose in plumes all around her and settled back slowly. When she was satisfied with the reorganization of the dust, she picked up the decrepit aluminum bucket half full of water, dipped a hand in it and moistened the ground with a sharp sprinkling motion. Her fingers jerked out a little dance, throwing silver arcs that shimmered briefly in the sunlight. Putting the dust to sleep, she called it. Then she bent over abruptly, straight from the waist, her thin buttocks in a shiny pink nylon sari sticking up into the air, and rapidly peppered the calmed earth with rice flour until there was a vast expanse of dots like stars on a dusty sky. She sat back on her haunches and allowed her imagination to swim in. The random dots became a pattern and Thayi leaned forward again, her face intent as she drew fine lines. Swirling, curling, frothing and furling. The lines swept from dot to dot, a fluid creation. It is a ritual she performed every morning.

On the dusty ground, was a kolam pattern, made of white dots and swirls, drawn by Thayi early that morning. A pattern made from rice flour to keep evil away from the house. Thayi had a whole array of designs in her memory - a certain order of dots laid out in strict, organized rows, all connected by sweeping lines. Without the dots the lines were meaningless, and when the dots left the design, there was only chaos. Within a few minutes, the kolam had lost its perfection, smudged by a dozen feet, from vendors to little children treading on it on their way to school, flung apart by the wind, carried away by ants. But tomorrow again, it would be there, a new design laid down by Thayi's fingers.