New Beginnings

Last year this time, I was coaxing and cajoling and sometimes even screaming at my daughter Shveta that it was the right time for her to meet someone to spend her life with. To buy time, she said, "Ok, but let me finish my CMA". That was all I was waiting for. She finished her CMA last October, and I started telling my family and friends to let me know if they knew anyone suitable for my daughter. LOL, imagine her wrath when she knew I was trying to set her up. Although we change with the times, there are still some things ingrained in us that we feel obligated to pursue. I thought the right thing for me to do was what my parents did for me.

My son Sharad had to constantly remind me that I should be looking for someone suitable to be Shveta's partner first before identifying if he'd be my ideal son in law. His take was that I was more enamoured with someone who loves Indian music and can sing well while Shveta wanted someone who works out and goes camping. Oh God, what a world of difference. And to top that, Shveta said, I don't want doctors or anyone from Wall street with lots of money, 16 hours workdays, and no work/life balance. She had her own list of wants and no no's.
Within 3 months, my frustration was mounting and I was getting exasperated with her demands. 

In mid January, Shveta very coyly mentioned that she thinks she met someone who she really likes.  My joy knew no bounds. I wanted all the details right away. I saw the glow in her face when she talked to me in length about Pavan and I certainly liked what I heard. They talked for hours everyday and just seeing her constant smile was so precious to me. He made a special trip for Valentine's to see her for the first time and the most significant moment was when Pavan came home for the first time on our Wedding Anniversary in March. What a special treat that was for me and Mohan, seeing the kids so crazy in love with each other.

Shveta, you are more special than before, through every stage, through every age, I love you even more.

To Appa - On Father's Day

I called Appa yesterday just to tell him what an amazing person he was. He gave me a shy laugh and I coaxed him to ask me the reason for telling him this. I recounted all the things he had achieved and told him how amazed I was by all the things he had done for us. I asked him how he was able to do this and very modestly he replied "By God's grace". I realised at that time how lucky I was to be his child and decided it was an apt time to show my appreciation of him on Father's day. Here is to my dad.

Appa, As I was growing up, you always made my world feel so safe, the deep voice of yours steadied me and the strong support shielded me. I never felt vulnerable or afraid, because to me, you seemed most strong and stable.

As I grew older, it dawned on me that the world I faced everyday was a lot bigger and scarier than the one you had created for me, and, I wondered sometimes if you felt like relying on someone else's strength for a change.

Now I am an adult and living on the outside of your safety net, and finally understanding what sacrifices you had to make, for you to make sure my world felt alright all the time.

Growing up in the sanctuary of your love is something I'll always cherish and the moments I'll never forget.

You are the tower of strength and with Amma by your side, you showed us guidance and instilled such invaluable values to your seven daughters.

We appreciate you for all of this and love you.

Bollywood Movies

Being a first generation immigrant from India, Bollywood films have always been a part of my life. Growing up, it was romantic to watch Rajesh Khanna movies, thrilling to watch Dharmendra, fun to watch a Shammi  Kapoor movie, emotional to watch Sanjeev Kumar and always fascinating to watch Amitabh Bachan movies.

Bollywood, India's vast movie-making centre, produces more than 300 movies annually. The 2000s saw a deviation from traditional classical movies to more contemporary themes.  Hrithik Roshan, John Abraham, Shah Rukh Khan, Abhishek Bachan with their macho looks along with Aishwarya Rai, Kareena Kapoor, Vidya Balan, Priyanka Chopra with their sexy looks have set light to the flames of Bollywood and sent many a heart racing. Bollywood’s popularity has now reached new heights around the world leading to wider box office successes in India and abroad.

 What does one expect from a Bollywood movie? The movies all have similar themes. Boy meets girl and falls in love, then follows the family denial, add a villain who makes their lives difficult, throw in a few fighting scenes and inject it with a song every half hour and finally the happy ending with the family acceptance. The end result is a Masala movie comprising of high drama, music, dance, tragedy, comedy, action, plots and side stories which makes up the full 3 hours. Most movies are shot in exotic locales, and Canada, known for its scenic beauty, is becoming a very popular destination.

Bollywood movies are a great choice in entertainment.  If you are in the mood for high drama,  whether it be an epic romance, a swashbuckling adventure, a revenge saga, a comedic extravaganza, or a reaffirmation of family love, then there's no other cinema for you, but Bollywood movies.

Unconditional Love

As a parent, I expect the best for my children, and I want it all for them; I don't like others taking advantage of my children and my instinct is to protect them. I love them so much, that sometimes, instead of being a mother, I smother them with love. I get too emotional when they don't listen to me, for in my heart, I am convinced I know what's right for them. When is this mother ever going to learn to set them free and yet continue her love for her children? I am sorry but I am still striving.

I’m sorry for being so emotional

I’m sorry for being so possessive

I’m sorry for my selfish love

I’m sorry for thinking of you both so very much

I’m sorry for being so immature

I’m sorry now that can’t be cured

I’m sorry and sorry again

But believe me that I love you both

Should I say sorry for that too?

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry for the tears I cry

I’m sorry for a lot of things

But one thing I’m not sorry for

I’m not sorry for being me.

  

As I write these words, Khalil Gibran’s words resonate in my ears and I ponder upon his wise words versus my unconditional love for my children.

            Your children are not your children.

            They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

            They come through you but not from you,

            And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

            You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

            For they have their own thoughts.

            You may house their bodies but not their souls,

            For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

            Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

            You may strive to be like them,

            But seek not to make them like you.

            For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

South Indian Style Sari

The word Sari is derived from Sanskrit which means "strip of cloth". The sari is a traditional garment worn by women in India and in different styles. The most common style is for the sari to be wrapped around the waist, with the loose end of the drape worn over the shoulder. It creates a graceful and sensous effect like the petals of a flower and when worn properly can accentuate or conceal.

I learnt to wear a sari by merely observing my older sisters. As a child, it fascinated me to watch 6 yards of material in phenomenal colours and patterns, being draped so elegantly by my older sisters. Depending on the occasion, whether it is a silk sari worn for a wedding, chiffons worn for a party or crisp starched cotton saris worn to college, I watched in awe the whole process and waited for my turn.

Going to college, I always wore saris and never liked to repeat them either. It was quite easy for me, having so many sisters; I would just wear their saris and that way I could get by a whole semester without having to wear the same sari twice. It was such a simple task that could be done in less than 5 minutes. Of course I had Sundari, our maid, to help me with my sari every morning. Put on the petticoat and tighten the string. Wear the blouse & yell out for Sundari, so she can help me with the pleats.

Wearing a sari which was a normal daily affair has now become a rarity and worn only on special occasions. I resort to the more comfortable Salwar kameez to lounge at home and wear western business casual to work. No wonder, my daughter, Shveta never had the opportunity to watch and learn to wear the sari like I did. What I considered a simple task has now become daunting when I have to drape the whole sari standing behind her. I never paid much attention to the details and the nuances till the time came for me to put the sari on for Shveta.

Sari tying is very simple and can be a pleasant experience. First of all, make sure you are wearing a petticoat and blouse matching the sari. Then, beginning at the position which is a little bit to the right of the navel (belly button), tuck the inner top edge of the sari into the petticoat and wrap the sari once completely around the body, ending once more at the right side, making sure the hem touches the ground. Leave enough material for the pleats. For the pallu, wrap the remaining material around the waist one more time going from right to left, under your right arm and drape over the left shoulder so edge falls just below the knee level. Now, make the pleats in the centre and tuck into waistband slightly to the right of your navel in such a manner that they open to your left like a hand fan when you walk.

To Amma - On Mother's Day

You have made so many lovely memories for me Amma, I’ll always cherish them.

You are the best mom in the world and I am so lucky to be a part of you. Even when you were so busy with all the things you did, you always had a smile in your face, which I guess rubbed off on your daughters. We were all the same in your eyes, never once did you make us feel that one was better than the other. I saw the pride and happiness in your eyes when you were with your daughters and I felt a warm glow inside me making me believe you were not judging us. I love to do things to make you proud of me.

You never forced anything on us, but in your own subtle way we were given all the opportunities to grow and develop our hobbies, be it music, prayers, reading, etc. We learnt to love, forgive, be patient and kind from you. We were all the same, being so much a part of you, yet so different. We have all learned so much from you about how to do things and how to behave. Growing up, I never once heard you say that you were tired, had a headache or too busy to do something and I don’t ever remember coming to an empty house. You were always there for us, and every little thing that you did made such a big difference.

I love to do things with you, even watch the Tamil serials which meant so much to you. You were excited and enthusiastic about bringing me up to date on the serial so that I can catch up on it midway. I loved walking down our garden with you and I could see the pride with which you tended to them and you’d show where you got each plant from. You were an extraordinary mom and you always kept your sense of humor. I loved to make you laugh – yours was the best laugh in the world. Nothing can beat the time we spent together, they were simply the best.

You showed us how to make each event into a special occasion and make it spectacular. You did everything with so much enthusiasm and grace. Even if it was just you and Appa at home, you never compromised on how elaborately every function was celebrated. You knew how to make life fun for the whole family. You are such a beautiful and talented mom and I’d do anything to be just like you.

I miss our chats. You made me feel good about myself. It’s the little things that you did that made such a difference, like an encouraging word, when most needed. You always remembered to ask about every little thing that was going on in our lives. I loved to hear the smile in your voice –it made all my worries disappear. I am proud to say that you were not only my mom, you were my best friend.

You are truly special, Amma, for believing in me and cheering me on; you have always made me feel as though I can do anything. You have always had a talent for bringing out the best in me, even when I didn’t know it was there. I knew I could just be myself around you; you encouraged me to express my personality. I know that wherever I go and whatever I do, I carry your love and support with me.

In case, I haven’t mentioned it lately, I love you very much.

Time Flies

I am left holding on to the memories of the past wishing I could have made them last. I find myself rejoicing from thoughts of how everything used to be.

As a child, my daughter was a delight and now as an adult she is very very special. My daughter was born in Chennai 24 years ago and I can still vividly remember holding her close to my bosom, rocking her gently and looking down at the most beautiful baby. The various phases of her life through childhood, kindergarten, high school, university and work flashes through like a slide show and it all seems to have just happened yesterday. Just goes to show, when you enjoy something, time flies. I think back with fondness and wish I could have spent more time with her.

Now that she is 24 years old, I can already see that she is trying to break her wings and fly away. There is a tug in my heart which seems to hold on to each and every precious moment with her and not want to let her go. I should learn to not let go of the things that helped me learn and grow with her.

I think back with fondness and wish I could have spent more time with her. I want to savour every moment so I could cherish and hold on to the wonderful memories when she leaves our home. I have taken our time together for granted and now desperately trying to hold on to the measly moments that gets thrown my way.

Jaanu, here's a poem dedicated to you -

I was busy through the day;

I didn't take the time to be there

I cleaned the house, I'd iron and cook,

but, when you wanted to go out

Instead I'd say to you,

"I have too much to do".

I'd come to kiss you good night;

And when I came to say good bye in the morning

And you wanted a hug, I wish I didn't say,

"that would wake you up".

Life's much too short;

I should have stayed a minute more.

My little girl grew up so fast,

With no time for me to give her all she wants

I wish I could go back and do,

All the things you asked me to,

I wish, I wish, I wish to be there

Always for you.