Unconditional Love

As a parent, I expect the best for my children, and I want it all for them; I don't like others taking advantage of my children and my instinct is to protect them. I love them so much, that sometimes, instead of being a mother, I smother them with love. I get too emotional when they don't listen to me, for in my heart, I am convinced I know what's right for them. When is this mother ever going to learn to set them free and yet continue her love for her children? I am sorry but I am still striving.

I’m sorry for being so emotional

I’m sorry for being so possessive

I’m sorry for my selfish love

I’m sorry for thinking of you both so very much

I’m sorry for being so immature

I’m sorry now that can’t be cured

I’m sorry and sorry again

But believe me that I love you both

Should I say sorry for that too?

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry for the tears I cry

I’m sorry for a lot of things

But one thing I’m not sorry for

I’m not sorry for being me.

  

As I write these words, Khalil Gibran’s words resonate in my ears and I ponder upon his wise words versus my unconditional love for my children.

            Your children are not your children.

            They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

            They come through you but not from you,

            And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

            You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

            For they have their own thoughts.

            You may house their bodies but not their souls,

            For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

            Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

            You may strive to be like them,

            But seek not to make them like you.

            For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

South Indian Style Sari

The word Sari is derived from Sanskrit which means "strip of cloth". The sari is a traditional garment worn by women in India and in different styles. The most common style is for the sari to be wrapped around the waist, with the loose end of the drape worn over the shoulder. It creates a graceful and sensous effect like the petals of a flower and when worn properly can accentuate or conceal.

I learnt to wear a sari by merely observing my older sisters. As a child, it fascinated me to watch 6 yards of material in phenomenal colours and patterns, being draped so elegantly by my older sisters. Depending on the occasion, whether it is a silk sari worn for a wedding, chiffons worn for a party or crisp starched cotton saris worn to college, I watched in awe the whole process and waited for my turn.

Going to college, I always wore saris and never liked to repeat them either. It was quite easy for me, having so many sisters; I would just wear their saris and that way I could get by a whole semester without having to wear the same sari twice. It was such a simple task that could be done in less than 5 minutes. Of course I had Sundari, our maid, to help me with my sari every morning. Put on the petticoat and tighten the string. Wear the blouse & yell out for Sundari, so she can help me with the pleats.

Wearing a sari which was a normal daily affair has now become a rarity and worn only on special occasions. I resort to the more comfortable Salwar kameez to lounge at home and wear western business casual to work. No wonder, my daughter, Shveta never had the opportunity to watch and learn to wear the sari like I did. What I considered a simple task has now become daunting when I have to drape the whole sari standing behind her. I never paid much attention to the details and the nuances till the time came for me to put the sari on for Shveta.

Sari tying is very simple and can be a pleasant experience. First of all, make sure you are wearing a petticoat and blouse matching the sari. Then, beginning at the position which is a little bit to the right of the navel (belly button), tuck the inner top edge of the sari into the petticoat and wrap the sari once completely around the body, ending once more at the right side, making sure the hem touches the ground. Leave enough material for the pleats. For the pallu, wrap the remaining material around the waist one more time going from right to left, under your right arm and drape over the left shoulder so edge falls just below the knee level. Now, make the pleats in the centre and tuck into waistband slightly to the right of your navel in such a manner that they open to your left like a hand fan when you walk.

To Amma - On Mother's Day

You have made so many lovely memories for me Amma, I’ll always cherish them.

You are the best mom in the world and I am so lucky to be a part of you. Even when you were so busy with all the things you did, you always had a smile in your face, which I guess rubbed off on your daughters. We were all the same in your eyes, never once did you make us feel that one was better than the other. I saw the pride and happiness in your eyes when you were with your daughters and I felt a warm glow inside me making me believe you were not judging us. I love to do things to make you proud of me.

You never forced anything on us, but in your own subtle way we were given all the opportunities to grow and develop our hobbies, be it music, prayers, reading, etc. We learnt to love, forgive, be patient and kind from you. We were all the same, being so much a part of you, yet so different. We have all learned so much from you about how to do things and how to behave. Growing up, I never once heard you say that you were tired, had a headache or too busy to do something and I don’t ever remember coming to an empty house. You were always there for us, and every little thing that you did made such a big difference.

I love to do things with you, even watch the Tamil serials which meant so much to you. You were excited and enthusiastic about bringing me up to date on the serial so that I can catch up on it midway. I loved walking down our garden with you and I could see the pride with which you tended to them and you’d show where you got each plant from. You were an extraordinary mom and you always kept your sense of humor. I loved to make you laugh – yours was the best laugh in the world. Nothing can beat the time we spent together, they were simply the best.

You showed us how to make each event into a special occasion and make it spectacular. You did everything with so much enthusiasm and grace. Even if it was just you and Appa at home, you never compromised on how elaborately every function was celebrated. You knew how to make life fun for the whole family. You are such a beautiful and talented mom and I’d do anything to be just like you.

I miss our chats. You made me feel good about myself. It’s the little things that you did that made such a difference, like an encouraging word, when most needed. You always remembered to ask about every little thing that was going on in our lives. I loved to hear the smile in your voice –it made all my worries disappear. I am proud to say that you were not only my mom, you were my best friend.

You are truly special, Amma, for believing in me and cheering me on; you have always made me feel as though I can do anything. You have always had a talent for bringing out the best in me, even when I didn’t know it was there. I knew I could just be myself around you; you encouraged me to express my personality. I know that wherever I go and whatever I do, I carry your love and support with me.

In case, I haven’t mentioned it lately, I love you very much.